If I Could Kill Jounouchi
by Wingleader Sora Jade
Summary: Mai, Anzu and Isis are off to an all-girls college, and Seto, Malik and Joey are feeling rejected. So they deside to follow them, by dressing up as girls?!? And what happens when Ryou and Yugi show up as exchange students (as guys)?
1. Jou's Great Idea

If I Could Kill Jounouchi... 

by WSJ 

Summery: Anzu, Isis and Mai are off to an all-girls college. Seto, Malik and Joey are quite upset about being left behind, and so Joey comes up with a "wonderful" plan: follow them. Right. All goes well until two new exchange students arrive, the first male students (at least _known_ male students) to attend St Gabriel's School for Girls. Yugi Moto and Ryou Bakura. 

Warnings: Anzu/Malik, Seto/Isis, Jou/Mai, Shizuka/Otogi (later on), cross-dressing, and a lot of female and sexual humor. And Ishtar. Er... Let's just say that if he ever watched Ranma 1/2 his favorite character would probably be Happosai... 

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO. For that matter, I don't own St Gabriel's either, it comes from another of my favorite animes. ^_^ If you know the anime I'm talking about then you'll probably recognise a couple of the other students. 

This isn't part of the **Tales of the Child of Fate**, so it doesn't interfere with _Yamis of Tokyo U_. Therefore, no mortal Bakura or psychic Ryou. ^_~ Sorry! But those who do read the **Tales**, especially the stories from _Yamis of Tokyo U_ on, will probably recognise one or two people who will be showing up in later chapters. 

Let's see... What else... Oh yeah, I've revamped it, for those who've read this before. ^~ Expect a few changes. 

()()()()() 

"WHAAAT!?!?!" 

Jounochi Katsuya, 18, shrunk back from the two people staring at him. 'Great. A homocidal maniac and a sadist. Why me?' "W-well ya' obviously know that the girls are going to that fancy college in England, and I miss Mai! I can't stand not seeing her! I fig'ured you two would understand me tranferin' over there, being that your own girlfriends are there too." 

Seto Kaiba gave him a dumbfounded look. "Inu, I knew you were a little cracked, but this proves it! You're completely insane!" 

Jou looked indignant, and opened his mouth to protest, when from beside the CEO Malik Ishtar desided to speak up. "What are you thinking Jou!?!" 

Jou frowned. "Too late, I'm already enrolled. I don't want to lose Mai while I'm half-way around the world at Tokyo U." 

Malik and Kaiba exchanged knowing looks. "Jou," Malik said slowly, as if talking to a child. "Mai, Anzu, and Isis are going to an _all girls_ college. I.e., you can't enroll and I doubt you'd lose Mai unless she suddenly desides to turn gay." 

Jou looked baffled for a moment, then grinned. "Oh, I know that. I enrolled under an alias." 

Kaiba blinked. "You're going to maskerade as a girl just to be near Mai?" 

"Yup. I'm borrowing most of Shizuka's wardrobe, but she already told me she doesn't mind. In fact, she loves the idea." 

Malik couldn't hold back a snicker. "I'm sure she does. But what's Mai going to do when she finds out?" 

Jou's face fell. "That's the only thing. She can't." 

Kaiba and Malik gave him disbelieving looks. "Let me get this straight," Kaiba said. "You're going to dress up in your sister's clothes, go to England, and pretend to be a girl just so you can be near your girlfriend?" 

Jou nodded. "I wouldn't be able to stand it if Mai and I could only see each other every two or three months on holidays. This way, we'll see each other every day, even if she doesn't know it's me." 

The other two were silent for a moment. "You know," Kaiba said thoughtfully. "Isis was really, really messed up when we said good-bye last month. She was crying. And although this idea is as stupid as most of inu's other ideas," He ignored the looks of utter astonishment the two blonds were giving him. "It'd be great to see her all the time. And I'm sure I can buy some women's clothes without too much trouble." He held up his Master Card. "A lot of money covers up a lot of things." 

Malik stared at both of them as if they had suddenly sprouted yamis (Plug plug. ^_~), and then sighed and dropped his shoulders in defeat. "I'll come too... For reasons all his own, Ishtar likes the idea. And I hate to be away from Anzu for so long..." 

Jou let out a cheer. "All _right_!!! I'd hate to be the only cross-dressin' guy there! Now all we have to do is tell Yugi, Ryou and Honda we're transfering without specifying where we're transfering _to_." 

Malik and Kaiba looked at each other and heaved long-suffering sighs. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... 


	2. Arrivals: The Creepy Eyebrow Lady!

WSJ: *giggles happily* Jou makes a pretty girl! 

Joey: *blushes* 

Ryou, Bakura, Yami & Yugi: *snicker* 

Bakura: Ha! Sorry suckers! We still get to be in the story, and we don't have to dress up as girls!!! 

Jou, Malik and Seto: *muttermuttercurse* 

WSJ: *sweatdrop* On to the story! I still don't own YGO, but I do own Gwen, from the aforementioned _Tales of the Child of Fate_. Amoura is Brood Mayran's. Dorothy belongs to Sunrise and whoever else owns Gundam Wing, and I'm just borrowing her for a bit of eyebrow-bashing. ^_~ Don't ask. You'll see. 

/..../ hikari to yami 

//....// yami to hikari 

()()()()() 

The next two weeks were almost a blur for Seto, Malik and Jou. Shizuka was in on their little scheme, and was trying to tudor them to be girls, as well as helping them buy and assemble their wardrobes. If you really want to know what happened, here's the highlights: 

* Ishtar had a lot of fun making jokes about his hikari   
* Seto almost had to get stitches after he cut his leg shaving   
* All three boys complained excessively about having to wear bras stuffed with kleenex or scarves   
* Seto and Jou started to let their hair grow   
* Malik learned how to braid and French braid so he could do his own hair   
* The boys learned how to apply makeup, although they all put up tremendous fights   
* It was discovered that when Seto put on a dress he was actually hotter then Mai (at least according to Jou)   
* They tried to hide all this from Yugi, Ryou and Honda and somehow suceeded 

Anyway, two weeks after their initial desicion, Seto, Malik, Jou, and Shizuka stood in the airline terminal, waiting for the plane to England. Or rather, Shizuka stood with Sarah Kato, Jasmine "Jaz" Kamiya and Mallory "Mal" Ishla, which were their aliases. 

"Sarah Kato", was sitting on his suitcase, his chin in his hands and his elbows on his knees. He was wearing a plain white T-shirt, and a long blue jean skirt with a matching jacket, with slightly high-heeled black boots. 

"Mal Ishla", was leaning moodily against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He wore a baby blue T-shirt and jeans and black platform sandels. His hair (with a bit of help from Shizuka) was pulled back into a high pony-tail. 

"Jaz Kamiya", was standing near the huge window that covered all of one wall, staring out to see if the plane was coming. His hair had been curled slightly, and there was the barest hint of makeup on his face. (The other two had refused to wear it until absolutly necessary) He had on a green tanktop, blue jean capris and dark green flip-flops. A green headband was keeping his hair out of his eyes. 

Shizuka stood next to Jou, giggling slightly. "Jaz," she said, using his alias for the benefit of the others, so they'd get used to hearing it. "Stop fiddling with your bra." 

Jou gave her a plaintive, puppy-dog look. "It itches! I don't know how you women stand these things..." 

Seto took his chin out of his hands and gave them both a whithering look. "I am going to _kill_ you Jou. I swear it. I love Isis with all my heart, but I still can't believe I let you talk me into this!" 

Shizuka chuckled. "Oh suck it up! Now are you _sure_ you have everything you need? When you get there you won't really be able to ask anyone for help." 

The three boys-disguised-as-girls nodded as some flight attendant dude came over the loud speakers. 

"Flight 666 for London, England now bording." 

The four looked at each other with raised eyebrows. "Now that's kinda creepy..." Malik noted. 

The boys picked up various bags and small suitcases they had as carry-on luggage and headed for the gate. "Sayanora!" Jou called back over his shoulder to his sister, trying to remember to keep his voice high. 

The plane trip was pretty uneventful, other then Ishtar freaking out and Jou getting sick because of the airline food. "Don't worry," the flight attendant told him in her impossibly chipper way. "That happens often." 

The school had arranged for someone to meet them at the London airport, and so when they got off they were greeted imediately by a young woman with the strangest eyebrows in four dimentions. 

"I'm Dorothy," she said. "And I guess I'm supposed to drive you back the the school." 

They nodded and she turned away. As she led them through the parking lot, the three whispered to each other behind her back. 

"Her eyebrows are _seriously_ freaking me out!" Jou whispered. 

"I know!" Malik agreed. "Every time she turns around they stare at me!" 

Seto gave both of them weird looks, but nodded his agreement anyway. 

Dorothy's eyebrows were forked, and navy blue, while her hair was platinum blond. An you've got to admit, that's just wrong. 

Dorothy led them to an old, beat-up Honda, causing the boys to snicker. She raised an eyebrow at that (the boys flinched back) but desided not to ask. 

She got in behind the wheel while Seto, Jou, and Malik crowded into the back seat. None of the three were willing to be alone in the front with Dorothy's eyebrows. 

They arrived about twenty minutes later at a huge stone mansion that sort of reminded Seto and Jou of Pegasus's castle. Several smaller stone buildings were scatted around it. 

Standing on the wide steps leading up to the main building's entrance were Isis, two other girls and an older woman that they assumed was the head-mistress. 

"Thank you Dorothy," she said, inclining her head a little. "You may go back to class." 

Dorothy nodded and trotted off toward one of the smaller buildings. The head-mistress, Isis and the other two girls came down the steps to meet them. 

Seto seemed frozen solid at seeing Isis coming toward him. Jou frowned and quickly gave him a sharp rap on the back. "Breathe _Sarah_, breathe!" he hissed. 

Seto coughed and blinked, then shot a glare toward the shorter blond. "Thanks, I think..." he said softly. 

"No prob!" Jou said under his breath as the girls got nearer. "Wouldn't want you to blow our cover." 

Malik shushed them both as the headmistress started to speak. 

"Hello girls, welcome to St Gabriel's School for Girls. These are your roommates. Jasmine, you'll be rooming with Gwen Kennady," A blond girl about Jou's height waved, and he nodded at her, beginning to get nervous for the first time. He hadn't thought they'd actually have to _room_ with girls. 

Malik's roommate turned out to be the green-haired girl. Her name was Amoura Letazaut, and she was a French exchange student. Convieniently, she spoke Japanese, although with an accent. Gwen was actually from America, but she too could speak Japanese. 

Seto was beginning to sweat, and indeed, the next words out of the headmistress's mouth were the ones he'd been fearing. 

"Sarah, this is your roommate, Isis Ishtar." 

()()()()() 

WSJ: *grins* Like? Iie? I felt like revamping because as characters, Amoura and Gwen are a lot more developed and easy for me to work with then Ra will ever be. ^~ Plus, I abandonned the YGO Destiny Saga a long time ago in favor of working on _Tales of the Child of Fate_. 

Ryou: God bless minna-san! 


	3. Red in the Face

WSJ: ^o^ After a long absense I've finally gotten around to writing up another chapter for this!! Yay me! 

Ryou: ^^; I'm sure they're all very thrilled SJ... 

WSJ: ^~ Of course, mon ami! 

Ryou: *sigh* SJ does not own YGO. Amoura belongs to Brood Mayran, while Gwen is SJ's. Again: This has nothing to do with SJ's _Tales_. 

()()()()() 

If I Could Kill Jounochi 

Chapter 3 -- Red In The Face 

"So you're Jaz?" Gwen asked as she led Jou down the hallways of the first floor of the three storie main building, one of Jou's bags over her shoulder. Jou was carrying the other one. 

"Uh, yeah, that's me." Jou said. "I'm glad to meet you." 

Gwen nodded and unlocked the door of their dorm. "Sorry to run, but I have a class in five minutes. You and your friends are new here, so your classes don't start until tomorrow. There's a common lounge down that way," she waved in the vague direction. "And showers and bath are across the hall." 

Jou felt his heart drop. "You mean... We have common showers?" 

Gwen looked startled. "Yes, of course. We're all girls silly, it's not like there's any guys to walk in on us. There _are_ a few male teachers, but they have seperate dorms in another building. All the classes are in the out buildings too, this is just dorms and the cafeteria, which is in the basement. I should be back in about an hour and a half," the American went on, grabbing a couple text books off the desk sitting against one wall and shouldering her purse. "The bed on the right is mine, I hope you don't mind taking the one by the window. I should be back in time for dinner, so make yourself at home. Isis, Amoura, and I will take all three of you on a tour after dinner, but you can explore before then if you want. See ya', byes!" 

And with that the blond swept out the door, leaving Jou wide-eyed and rather overwhelmed. Setting his bag down on the bed Gwen had indicated, Jou glanced around the room and tried not to grimace. The comforter on Gwen'd bed was a light purple, and there was a rather worn-looking stuffed bear sitting on the pillow. At least his own sheets and blanket were blue, and not some disgusting colour like pink or something. 

It was easily apparent that Gwen had been in this dorm for awhile. The walls, which were painted an off-white colour, were covered with posters and drawings, most of them of Broadway musicals. There was a poster from _Phantom of the Opera_, and another one from _The Lion King: Broadway Version_. Spying a CD rack on top of the dresser that was only about half full, Jou picked up his backpack and began to stick in his own CDs for display. He chuckled quietly as he noticed the contrast. Gwen _had_ to be a die-hard musical fan. Most of her CDs were soundtracks, although there were a few American '80's rock CDs. All the ones Jou had were heavy metal and rock, as well as a few JPop. 

He finished up putting his CDs away, and glanced around for someplace to put his new clothes. He groaned a little when he noticed that while there were two beds, two sets of book shelves, and two small closets, there was only one dresser and one desk. Resisting the urge to smack himself in the head, Jou hung up any of his clothes that would wrinkle in the unoccupied closet. It was easy to tell which was his, because Gwen's was filled to overflowing with clothes and a whole zoo of stuffed animals. Likewise, her book shelf was crammed with romance novels and manga. 

Jou sighed and put the few books he'd brought on his own shelf. Beside them he set his two favorite models that he'd brought with him, as well as a framed picture of himself, Shizuka, and Yuugi taken a couple months ago. 

Then he could no longer put off the dreaded deed of opening up the dresser to figure out which drawers were his. The dresser had six drawers on the bottom and one long drawer on top. The one on top was the one Jou opened first, and blushed bright red when he came nose to nose with Gwen's... personal things. Slamming the drawer shut so violently that a few of the perfume bottles on top fell over, Jou reached for the two drawers underneith it, dreading the worst. Ah well, these weren't so bad. The one on the left was shirts, and the one on the right was full of blue jeans. The two under those contained skirts and full dresses, respectively. The final two consisted of sweaters and slacks. 

"What the hell?" Jou muttered. "Where do I put my stuff?" Finally he gave up and just left his clothes in their bags. 

And then something happened that Jou had hoped beyond hope that would not. He had to use the bathroom. Sighing Jou trudged across the hall to do his business, happy that most of the girls were in classes right now. 

~*~

Seto was, for once in his life, struck dumb as he followed Isis down the halls of the second floor. _'Shoot!'_ he thought to himself, panic beginning to rise up within him. _'No way am I going to be able to keep myself a secret from her!'_

In front of him Isis was explaining class schedules and the like, but Seto hardly heard her. Until she came to the part about common bathrooms. Then he let out a muffled squeak of protest, which she thankfully didn't hear. _'Ahhhh! I'm dead! Stupid Jou, this is all his fault!'_

He was so busy railing against Jou and trying to figure ways to kill off the blond that he didn't notice that Isis had stopped in front of a door and was fiddling with her key. Of course, in consequence, he ran right into her, sending them both to the ground. "Gah!" 

"Sorry, sorry Isis!" Seto stammered, his voice even squeakier then it was supposed to be as he struggled to get off his girlfriend, as bright red as it was probably possible to be. Being unused to moving around in his dress, his legs got tangled up and he was unable to pull himself back to his feet. Isis started to push Seto off of her, and in doing so one of her hands smacked Seto right in the padded bra. Her face went funny for a moment, and Seto turned even redder, praying she hadn't figured out that anything was out of the ordinary. He finally suceeded in rolling off her and climbed ponderously to his feet, slightly out of breath. "I'm so sorry!" 

"Not your fault," Isis said, smiling pleasently at him. She pushed the door to the dorm open and picked up one of his bags, which had been dropped in the collision. "Come on in." 

Seto stepped inside, and had to try hard to keep his eyes from bugging out. Directly across from the door, over the bed that he assumed was Isis's, was the weirdest thing he'd ever seen. Well, not exactly, it was actually kind of flattering, in a weird sort of way. Somehow Isis had managed to get her hands on a picture of the two of them, Isis and Seto, taken the year before at Yuugi's Halloween party and blown it up to poster size. Seto shuddered a little as he remembered that night. Isis had somehow convinced him to dress in tandem with her, and Seto had foolishly agreed. In the picture Isis was dressed in a tight, sexy demoness costume with her usually straight black hair in tight curls around her head. Seto was also dressed as a demon, holding Isis in a rather risque possition. If Seto remembered right, Mokuba had been the one to take the picture, and he had made his little brother swear never to show it to anyone. Obviously, Mokuba would need a talking to when Seto finally got home. 

"Wh-who's that?" Seto asked, trying not to blush harder then he already was. 

Isis sighed in obvious yearning as she kneeled on her bed and ran her fingers over the picture. "This is my boyfriend, Seto. God I miss him... Are you single Sarah?" 

"Ah... no, I have a significant other." Seto answered truthfully. What was he supposed to say, he had a girlfriend? That would _really_ creep Isis out, especially since she thought "Sarah" was a girl. 

Trying to distract himself, Seto turned his back on that cursed picture and dumped his bags onto the other bed. How in heaven's name was he supposed to survive this?! _'Confound you Jounochi!!!'_

~*~

As soon as Malik stepped into the dorm, he knew something was wrong. Well, not really _wrong_, just out of place. Something smelled, but it wasn't bad. He'd smelled it somewhere before... 

"Mew?" 

Ah yes, that was the smell. Cat. Looking down, Malik smiled at the little white feline that was rubbing around his ankles, then at Amoura. "Oh, you have a cat? I didn't know they allowed pets here." 

Amoura nodded and crouched down to pick up the kitten. "Oui, as long as zey are zmall. Zis is Yunet." 

"Yunet, huh." Malik said, obligingly scratching the cat behind the ears. "Egyptian?" 

Amoura nodded, obviously delighted he'd know. "Oui, it is. Egypt 'as alvays intrested me." 

Malik chuckled at the irony of it all. "Well, I'm actually Egyptian. My family can be traced back almost three-thousand years." Going over to his suitcase, he dug around for a few minutes before he came up with the Sennen Rod in hand. Rashiid had wanted him to leave it behind in Japan, but there was no way Malik was going to part with it. He'd just have to be careful his sister didn't see it. "This has been in my family all that time. It's supposed to have great power." 

"Wow..." Amoura breathed, obviously delighted at it. "May I 'old it?" 

"Ehhh..." Malik frowned. "That may not be a good idea. Sometimes its power can just get out of control, and I won't be... myself. So you'd better not." 

"Okay," Amoura seemed to accept that, and watched as Malik stuck the Rod through the back of his belt, as he was accustomed. "'Ey, I 'ave no more clazzes today, 'ow about ve go find zomething to eat?" 

Malik brightened up and put the Rod back in his suitcase. If he was going to be wandering around campus it was probably best not to have it with him, just in case he ran into Isis. "Sure! I'm starved. The food on the airplane was horrible!" 

"Do you want to change first?" Amoura enquired politely. "You muzt be all sveaty and hot after zuch a long trip." 

Malik jerked backward at the mention of changing clothes and blushed crimson. "A-ah no, I'm fine! Heh heh, shall we go?" He hurridly opened the door and motioned for Amoura to preceed him, carefully making sure Yunet didn't find her way out as well. 

()()()()() 

WSJ: ^o^ Finally a new chapter! Yayness! *cheers* 

God bless minna-san! 


End file.
